Blog as Support Group

I joke a lot about my sweet tooth and my love of comfort food. But as I look back on my life, I realize that my relationship with food has really been less than funny. I'm an emotional eater, and I have some bad habits that, as healthfully as I try to eat, are still hard to break.

I suffered from severe clinical depression for most of my life. I was finally diagnosed in my late 20s, was on anti-depressants for years (starting on the highest dosage and making my way down to the lowest as I worked on all of my shit), and am finally medication free due to a great combination of exercise (yoga and biking), meditation, and (mostly) clean eating. (And I mean entirely medication free--no more migraines or acid reflux either, both ailments I used to take frequent and/or daily meds for.) What I learned from Eat to Live (primarily about eating a high percentage of raw) is what finally made all of that possible.

I was also fat. When I was married, I was a lot closer to the 200 lb mark than I would like to admit. And even though I've lost a lot of weight, I still see myself as heavy. Most of my friends are a lot thinner than I am, and though I usually have a great deal of self confidence, and though I also know that we all have completely different metabolisms, body types, etc, it's really hard, in a society so obsessed with body image, to not compare myself with them.

I've noticed my weight creeping up lately. And my skin breaking out. And frequent heartburn. Come into my house, and you'd never know about my sneaky bad eating habits. Unless I'm entertaining, all I eat in the house is smoothies, salads, and fresh fruit--nothing processed, ever (and yes, there are certain things I won't allow myself to bring into the house because I know my habits). But watch my behavior in Whole Foods, and it's a whole 'nother story. I buy things and eat them in the store or on my way home--very unhealthy bingeing sitch right there, especially with how often I'm at Whole Foods. So I finally realized that I need to make some serious changes (starting with my own awareness, as well as owning up to my sneaky eating). I've alluded to these a few times here and on Twitter over the past couple of days, so here they finally are:

1. Limit Soy--I'm still going to allow myself edamame and tempeh, but the tofu has got to go. It's processed and it gives me hella gas (and the Whole Foods Buffalo Garlic Tofu is one of my binge items).
2. Limit Gluten--I've read so much on so many blogs about how much better people feel by eliminating gluten. And with my Whole Foods Vegan Chocolate Chip Cookie (another binge item) habit, as well as my undying love of breads and pastas, it's time for me to give gluten-free a serious try.
3. Limit Sugar--I really need to conquer this sweet tooth. Fruit really does satisfy me. So does homemade sorbet in the Vitamix (with a little agave or maple syrup as sweetener). And I can avoid baked goods.
4. Work on my Self Control--this should actually be #1. Notice that I said limit above, as opposed to eliminate. I'm a realist, and an entertainer, and my Thanksgiving "turkey" is going to be seitan based. But I tend to overeat (read: binge) when I entertain (before, during, and after said entertaining). I'm working on "healthifying" some favorite desserts (eliminating gluten and sugar to the best of my ability), but, well.... This is a big one, about which I need to be constantly vigilant.

This was not an easy post to write, dear readers--it took a few days (over which I actually lost a few lbs!). Thank you for reading, and thank you for your support. I am stronger just knowing that you're there.

xoxo,

LJ